Sometimes we lie. Sometimes it’s big and sometimes it’s small. We have a multitude of reasons, whether that’s self preservation or to spare someone else’s feelings, or even just out of boredom, but nonetheless the lies become something more than we ever intend and then all of a sudden they overwhelm the situation, no matter the magnitude.
So previously I wrote about being “the other woman” to a guy…let’s call him “The Unicorn” …
All the while that he lied to me, in truth it seems quite easy. Once the truth came out, I then had to accept it or not. I did reconcile the lie (about him not having a girlfriend) for a number of reasons, but now it’s become something I don’t know if I can get past.
Don’t get me wrong, I WANT to move past it. I want to believe the things he says, whether that’s his stories of his life, how his day was or the feelings he shares with me. But I don’t know if I can. The more we spend time together the more I believe that as much as I want to believe him, the ease in which he perpetuates his lies (especially to others) makes me really question his honesty with me.
Recently his mother came to town to visit. We agreed to spend a little time together (the three of us) but under the pretense of us just being friends. However…I didn’t expect him to ask me questions (to perpetuate the lie) about who I am, what I do, and how we met, in order to make his mom believe that we truly knew nothing of each other besides a superficial level acquaintance relationship.
Add to that the fact that just two nights ago we met up for a drink, but he had to rush off to get home to his mom, because of course she had no idea who he was actually with. Then to fuel the fire, tonight I’m feeling a bit inside my own mind about the fact that I drove almost an hour and a half to come see him, and we had a couple drinks, but yet again, midway through he had to rush me off so he could go lie to his mom (undoubtedly) about where he was and who he had been with.
It really pains me to feel like I’m “the other woman” quite enough, but add on the fact that he just generally seems quite ashamed of being “found out” that we are more than casual acquaintances makes it that much more painful. I know he still has his girlfriend. He admitted that he still talks with her. He told me just last night that he still “humors the relationship” and says the requisite “I love you” at the close of the conversation with her. And what gets me most is the fact that he doesn’t HAVE to lie. He chooses it.
He told his mom (so he says) when she first arrived in town that he was unhappy in his relationship and she understood. Yet no mention of us. He told me last night that really he’s not “worried” about the breakup from the standpoint of protecting his belongings because he already moved most of his things to his moms or elsewhere before he came to America. So why lie? Why keep the relationship that you’re “so unhappy in” when there’s no reason but fear and shame about your current situation keeping you from ending it.
Perhaps I’m cold hearted or just not understanding enough. Perhaps I don’t have the whole picture, but then again how could I? I don’t like feeling as if I’m being used to fulfill some sense of self worth from his side, but kept out of his life. I don’t understand how he can tell me he hopes I will let down my guard/walls and let this grow into whatever it may become, when you’re too ashamed of me to admit that I’m some part of your life, more than a friend.
Little lies, yet real, big hurt and confusion and pain.