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An exercise in faith

So today I spent most of the afternoon (and most of the weekend in truth) with my girl L.

She is my ride or die, truth be told type of friend. We drink together, we take trips together and we do a number of fun things and share truths. That being the case she asked me to take part in a little exercise to humor her, and so I shall.

Backstory: read about my current fling .. look for “the unicorn” or my recent post about being the other woman. She wholeheartedly does not agree with it and has conveyed that she had no intention to hang out with “us” as a “couple” and she does not want to be friends with him. She loves me and of course is still my friend but does want me to participate in the following: write out a synopsis of the situation and instead of it being me, put a friend in the situation and then appraise it from a third party and see if I would still agree to the relationship.

Ok so here we go…

Girl meets guy. Girl and guy hang out a few times, then after go on proper date. Hook up, then end up finding out that he still has a girl. Agree to be “whatever this is” and continue to talk/text/hang out.

Ok. So there are a lot of nuances and many, many conversations and texts that have ensued since, but you get the idea.

What do I think? Welllllllll….part of me agrees that if he’s a liar and cheat, then of course no good. But. There always that “but..” where one has to say that perhaps if it makes my friend happy, then I sort of just have to suck it the fuck up and deal. Then there is the part of me that would tell any friend not to accept such behavior. “You’re better than that” … “a tiger can’t change its stripes” and “don’t settle for something that isn’t going anywhere.”

I’m genuinely torn. I see where L is coming from, and I appreciate her candidness with me. I know where she comes from, and the fact that she has been in this position as well and stood up to it (aka broken it off), and she reminded me that I clearly seem to have a pattern of picking men who are not the best.

HOWEVER … is it her choice or mine? Is it our friendship that will suffer because of it or my “relationship” if I choose her or him. Is there a choice to really make? Does it have to be that it’s her or him? I don’t know. I know it’s not black and white, and I know I have opposing forces that mean something to me either way. Truth is, I don’t know and I don’t want to choose.

Thinking out loud, I want both. I want my cake and I want to eat it too. I want to have this guy in my life and have fun with him while I have the chance, but I don’t want to lose myself, my dignity or my friendship because of it. Is there a right answer or a happy medium to be found? I can’t say right now, but I hope to find something soon.

By DreamerSD

Life enthusiast

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