Self – ish

Sometimes I’m sad. Sometimes I’m unsure of what I’m doing is selfish / selfless / self sabotaging or just nothing at all.

Today I ended my romantic relationship with someone who I know is very well matched for me. I guess I was being selfish, impatient and all those things everyone says “love isn’t” or whatever that well known bible quote is. At any rate – I did it. Part of me also knows that I feel justified in my decision though because I had spent many a conversation telling him what I wanted and needed, only to have the same conversation repeat itself. So fool me once, blah blah blah and insert “history repeats itself” quote here.

I feel simultaneously pained and free. I miss him, already, only 4 hours after the fact. But I also just have not the head or heart space to deal with the reoccurring disappointment and the fact that there was nothing to truly look forward to. We didn’t know if we would ever even seen one another again. There was no engagement and upcoming wedding date. There was no date that he planned to move back to the state, or when I would be moving there. It seemed like this heartbreaking relationship that from every direction just kept going into oblivion, never to find an end. And I want a happy end for me. I don’t want to spend countless months or years pining for someone who has no plan to make their way back to me. Sorry not sorry.

By DreamerSD

Life enthusiast

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