Recently a post on social media reminded me of something… I was previously married! This was when I was 19 years old – and because I have been divorced for well over a decade now, most the people in my life have no idea, and as I stated, even I tend to forget about it most the time.
I won’t get into detail – but suffice to say my ex-husband (I really like to say “first husband” because it seems funnier lol) and I were too young. We rushed into things, and in the end (as our families all guessed) we ended up divorced by the time I was 21. At the time I was gutted. I felt like getting a divorce was a monumental reflection of my failure and I was so afraid my parents/family were going to judge me negatively. I thought a divorce was some big “Scarlet Letter” that would forever make me unlovable by another man in the future.
I was wrong.
It would have been silly and sad for us both to live a life, or continue a relationship, that was full or resentment, ugliness and unhappiness. We were not the right people for each other and truthfully, all the negative things I had presumed were so far from correct. My family was nothing but supportive and understanding. I have met very few men (and none that I dated long term) who were so repulsed by the fact I had been married before that they wouldn’t love me. I was the sole source of my own misplaced fears and disappointment – nothing more.
I don’t blame my ex – we were both young and we did think we loved one another, at the time. I also think (knowing what I know now and seeing our lives play out) that we made the right choice. Divorce was truly best for us and if you fast forward to present day – we are VERY different people, both having changed as individuals and in our life paths/ambitions. Now he has a wife, a child and is studying to be a pastor…all of which are wonderful things – but all of which I would want no part of. I don’t want children. I don’t want to be the wife of a pastor. I love my life and I’m so happy to say that I have no regrets with regard to getting divorced.
Do I think people should just get a divorce and it will solve the problems? No. That’s not at all what I’m saying. I think marriage (and divorce) are things that should be given the most deep and sincere thought before executing on – however I think that people should know that it is OK to realize that someone isn’t the right one, and to seek to find a happier self or situation, if that is truly the case.