You are in the driver’s seat of your life and can point your life down any road you want to travel. You can go as fast or as slow as you want to go…and you can change the road you’re on at any time. – Jinger Heath
It’s nearing a month now that I have been at home, rather permanently, due to COVID-19. I will be the first to admit that I don’t require much in the way of face:face interaction and haven’t been struggling much with that, however I have noticed some areas in my life that have had ups and downs. Of course, looking retrospectively I can see now what was going on – but in the moment I just felt “tired” mostly.
Week 1 – WAY too excited to be at home – promptly started drinking too early (right after work hours ended) and way too much/frequently. This was also coupled with a super high increase in my daily snacking. This week was fun, but it left me depleted and tired.
Week 2 – Slowed down on the drinking, but still snacking quite a lot. Close proximity to the kitchen is apparently too tempting. Also, ordering delivery food frequently. Using “supporting local small businesses” as a justification, but really I was just bored, and spending money. Sleep is now weird. Interrupted, hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep, but all I want to DO is sleep at all the wrong times.
Week 3 – Noticed the effects of weeks 1 & 2 and was very lethargic. Tired. Endlessly tired. Again, ordering delivery food more often that I should and letting my groceries in my fridge sit and waste away. Sleep is still a weird thing and I’m sure it is in part due to cabin fever.
Week 4 – Normalizing. Stabled out and feeling remotivated/invigorated. Shook off some of the feelings that were holding me down and have been surprisingly productive. Downloaded some apps to try and help myself, including “Calm”, to help me sleep (which the bedtime stories have seemed to be helping), and the app “Stand Up!” which alerts me every workday (at 30 minute intervals) to stand up and drink some water.
I didn’t take into account the emotional/mental/physical changes and feelings that were happening in the first two weeks of my quarantine, which also coincided with the first two weeks after my man-friend left from his recent visit. While we tell ourselves that we “aren’t bothered” by things, even the smallest shifts, or changes in your life, can ripple into huge waves of feelings. I believe that while I was glad to work from home and be “comfortable”, I was also in a place that I had just spent a large amount of time with someone I love, so it was also simultaneously a little different and “sad” or “lonely” for me. I have no doubt that both “coming down” from his visit, and the abrupt change in “quarantine” status contributed to my poor decision making (aka drinking too much and eating like shit) for the first two weeks.
All in all, it’s not been a terrible time for me during my first month of “quarantine”, but I can see where the little things compound(ed) and I essentially created more problems for myself than there needed to be. Looking back, I can see how my feelings, and lifestyle choices, reflected what I was (and wasn’t) acknowledging, and that makes me happy. It’s good to be able to step back and view your life, and your actions, through a lens of understanding and willingness to spend time actively seeking to understand yourself. I know that those moments of drinking too much, or “being lazy” will happen, and when they do I will need to stop, listen, acknowledge and decide who I want to be, and how I want to respond.