I found this concept interesting, as I can most certainly feel a shift in who I am versus who I was, even so recent as a year ago. I feel like I am a much different person than I was in my 20s, that’s for sure, and every evolution feels a bit more natural, more authentic, and more who I truly desire to be rather than who I think I should be. So let’s do this.
The “old” dreamerSD. She will be missed, and looked back upon with fondness by those who truly knew her. It can be hard to let go of those we are so close to, but the old dreamerSD’s time had come, the agreements she needed to meet were fulfilled, so it only makes sense and is to be expected that she is now gone. She was funny, witty and sarcastic in a pinch – and those closest to her knew that those were all lovely parts of her, but acted frequently as a defense mechanism. Her ability to speak the truth and deliver an honest remark was something she was well known for, though her delivery wasn’t always the most kind, which perhaps is why those who knew her heart were sometimes surprised by the wounds she could inflict. She was generous, sometimes to her own detriment, but no matter the reason, she would find a way to share love with those closest to her by way of gift, as she was so well known for her skill in choosing. Always the perfectionist, she held herself to an impossible bar, that sadly for her, she and no one else could live up to. She shared with me once that she realized far too late that her need for perfection and control were just thinly disguised covers for ego and fear of the unknown. In her last weeks, she seemed to carry a greater sense of peace and purpose, and with that, the old her seemed ready to move to the next realm, to explore the next iteration of who she was to become. She lives on in our memories, in the way she made us feel, the moments we shared, and though she has left us, I know she didn’t leave with regret. The old dreamerSD is looking up and outward to the next life, and surely smiling at the future.