In every instance there are choices and we can make the conscious choice to learn and grow, or to stay angry/hurt and stagnant. I recently experienced a heartbreak/grief/loss of relationship, and I am working quite hard to remember the lessons in the loss. I know it can be easy to default toward our hurt, but to find the positive, the growth and the moments of gratitude, these are the true things I am looking for.
- I have intensely supportive family and friends. Coupled with the fact it’s the holiday season/Christmas in this week, I have never felt more loved, supported and cared for by those who I have shared this sadness with. I have more invitations to go spend Christmas with people than I have hours to make it happen, and I have felt nothing but love from them. No judgement, no saying “you were foolish for rushing in” – just pure empathy and care.
- Every time, go into things with full heart and give life a shot – We can never predict the outcome of a scenario, or guess the intentions of another person, but we can choose not to make someone new pay for the “sins of others”. I can call myself foolish, or linger in the thoughts of how I could have not let this scenario come to be – but I would never have fully let myself experience it either, if I had done that. I gave this experience my full energy, effort and heart, and for that I do not feel foolish at all.
- Vulnerability and surrender – I have struggled with this greatly in the past few years, and this “theme” has been pervasive in many ways. This relationship taught me that even though I was hurt, I gave over to my vulnerability. I shared my heart. I surrendered to scenarios that I wasn’t sure I could manage, and I did ok. I trusted another person with my heart, and I ended up hurt for it, but I did it willingly – and I’m still proud of my ability to love another, fully, completely and without holding back due to fear, insecurity or past precedent.
- Behave with grace – This is not easy, and it’s never going to be something that comes to me by nature (or at least I don’t think), but I know now that I can handle situations that make me sad/upset/uncomfortable with grace, a level head, and compassion. No matter if we FEEL someone deserves these things, it will never hurt me (or you) to act in a way that exudes that grace, love, gentleness and forgiveness. I no longer feel “weak” for being willing to be a decent person in the end of a relationship; instead I feel quite the opposite, that I took a road that was far more difficult – and I know now that I can handle it.
Each time we feel upset is a chance to learn. We have the opportunity to find a lesson – or sit in the ugliness of what we have experienced. What will you choose?